I swear.

I feel useless. No body knows what i feel. Feeling betrayed. i swear myself i will not let people see im dissappointed because of them. I swear to myself i will not trust anyone out there anymore. I swear to myself if nothing goes right, i will choose left even it will cost me my future. I just want to be happy in life. why sudden all unhappy things happen to me when i slowly started to taste happiness?


 I swear to myself i will not be betrayed anymore because before they betray me, i will betray them. i feel really useless. expelled, broken, betrayed. just fuck it all. I swear this things that made me into this, i will not find happiness inside it anymore, only fun. life is about fun is it? yes fun. it sounds better than happiness.


Fun vs Happiness. I think Fun wins. the cost to achieve happiness is full of tears, efforts, dissapointments, disciplines, endless efforts. But how about fun? for me u only need money to have fun. yes. its a lot easier than to achieve happiness that is full of lies. wait, dont assume me before u know what ive been through. dont think bad things about me. people made me like this. its their fault. i trust people too much. i trust them with my life. but what they give me??? i think they will not betray me but they betrayed me. Its killing me inside!!!! Fuck!!! Im dying inside!!! No one understands a shit!!!

Ustaz Hamdan

Assalamualaikum semua~ berjumpa lg kita dalam rancangan aku merapu~ k. Td, tiba2 tergerak hati nak tgok gambar lama. belek2 punya belek lappy aku td terjumpa satu gambar lama nihh. gambar nih masa kitorg form 3. Ni nak cerita pasal salah seorg ustaz yg amat aku sayang dan jd idola kpd aku dan batch aku iaitu Azzumala' 23. Nampak ustaz segak yg duduk kat kerusi tu? haaa namanya ustaz Hamdan. Dia asal dr Kelantan. Dia mengajar aku start aku form 3 smpai laa form 5. Yang paling best masa form 5 dia jd guru kelas aku. Nak cite pasal ustaz aku nih, dia seorg yg amat sporting, cool, and jarang nmpak dia marah. Senang cite die x pernah marah kitorg, kalau kitorg buat silap mmg dia akan cubit tp masa dia cubit muka dia senyum rilek jeee. Sakit mmg sakit tp kita yg dicubit ni pun rela je kne cubit dgn dia nak kata betapa sejuknya hati pandang muka dia senyum. hahaha. Dia mmg kelakar kalau mengajar. Bila dia mengajar dia akan guna slang kelantan dia. ahaha. Tp kitorg paling suka bila dia handle satu2 masalah, penuh ketenangan, x pernah disertai dgn emosi bila handle sesuatu masalah.

Ustaz aku nih kahwin 2 kali. Perkahwinan pertama dia hampir 10 tahun jgak rasenye. tp xde rezeki dalam hal zuriat. dia xde anak. ditambah pulak dgn isterinya sakit. So kitorg mmg syg dia and mmg taknak bg dia sakit hati sbb kitorg tahu dia dah anggap kitorg sekelas mcm anak2 dia sndiri dah. Nak tahu kenapa aku ckp mcm tu? post yg lain aku akan cerita pasal "Batch Azzumala' 23 yg dibenci ramai." Nak dijadikan cerita, sebelum bulan puasa 2010, mase tu kitorg form 5, isteri dia sakit tenat, dan x lame lpastu dipanggil kembali oleh Allah. Allah lebih sayangkan isteri dia. Sebak wehh sebak. Dia masuk kelas tetap tenang dgn muka selamba dia, tp nmpak raut sedih di wajahnya. Tetap mengajar kitorg mcm biasa dan ketepikan semua emosinya. Kalau x silap aku dlm brape hari je dia x dtg skolah sbb urus pasal arwah isteri dia. lpastu dia tetap dtg mengajar kitorg. Betapa kuatnya hati ustaz Hamdan nih. kitorg mmg salute and respect serta sayang kat dia. Kalau la benda ni kena kat kita, agak2 brapa minggu agaknya kita amik masa nak dtg kelas semula kan? hmm :(

Igt lg, benda yg paling buat aku teramatlah sebak is masa kitorg satu batch pergi raya umah dia. Kali pertama dia raya aidilfitri tanpa ditemani isteri tercinta. Semua makanan dia masak sndiri khas utk sambut kitorg, dr yg ringan hinggalah ke berat. Ayat dia yg paling aku x boleh lupa, "Korg makan laa smpai habis semua nih. Ustaz masak banyak utk korg. Bukan ada siapa2 pun kat umah ni nk tolong ustaz abiskan" Ya Allah, kitorg yg dtg umah dia dgr dia ckp mcm tu, menitik air mata kitorg dgr. Raut muka dia tenang je masa dia lafazkan ayat mcm tu, tp kitorg tahu, betapa mendalamnya ayat tu. Tenang sungguh ustaz Hamdan. Betapa sabarnya dia menerima hakikat bahawa isterinya dah pergi selama-lamanya dr hidup dia.

Alhamdulillah, bila kitorg da abis form 5, dgr nyaa ustaz Hamdan dah berkahwin lg untuk kali kedua. Dan kali ni, Alhamdulillah rezeki dia melimpah ruah.. Dia dah dpt anak lelaki sorg. MasyaAllah, hebatnya kuasa Allah. Allah balas ketenangan dan kesabaran ustaz Hamdan dalam menangani pemergian isteri pertamanya dgn pernikahan utk kali kedua ditambah pula dgn zuriat yg sihat. Aku gembira. Amat gembira. Suatu hari nnti ustaz, kita akan berjumpa lg ustaz. InsyaAllah. Ketabahan, ketenangan, dan kesabaranmu akan menjadi contoh kpd aku utk aku menghadapi setiap masalah yg menimpaku dlm hidup ini. :)

Rindu membara.

Kenangan,

Sesuatu yg abstrak utk diungkapkan.

Ia jua sukar dilupakan,

Kerana ia salah satu warna kehidupan...

Aku rindu.

Rindu pada zaman silamku,

Yang penuh ceria,

Dan juga duka.

Aku juga rindu,

Gelak tawa,

Riuh suasana,

Dan masalah yg kita hadapi bersama.

Banyak jerih dan payah yg kita lalui,

Terlalu banyak cacian dan makian yg kita dengari,

Kita tabah melaluinya.

Dan,dlm masa yg sama,

Banyak juga erti persahabatan yg kita pelajari..

Bilakah kita semua?

Mempunyai kesempatan untuk bertemu semula?

Aku penat menahan kesedihan,

Memikirkan betapa mustahil kita semua akan berkumpul semula,

Kerana masing2 sudah punya haluan,

Haluan untuk meneruskan kehidupan..

Ku hanya mampu manadah tangan,

Berdoa pada MU ya Tuhan,

Semoga rakan2 ku,

Masing2 berjaya dlm menongkah arus kehidupan,

Yang semakin menghampiri pengakhiran.

To Batch 23.;) (sori merepek).hahaha

First target.

Hye...juz want to talk about my target in life...my first one is i wanna be a Lawyer or a Judge.I really want to be like my mother n my sister.I'm very jealous of them..but my obstacle is only my math result..thats why i want to repeat it n get better result so that i can apply Law course at any university...besides that,i love to wear black n white..so i prefer to be lawyer or judge bcoz they must wear black n white clothes..sounds crazy but i'm obsess of it.haha..in my observation,they look cool with their black n white clothes on..hoho.thats the first one.next time i'll post again.

MY FON!!!!

My fon yg ku sayanggg.....
kau pergi meninggalkan daku...
ku tahu masamu telah tiba....
kan ku simpan memori kita selamanya...

ku tekan keypad mu tiada bergerak,
ku tekan,tekan,dan tekan,
sampai la jam sebelas,
aku pon jadi muak...

oh G705....
kan ku ganty kn diri mu dgn fon lain yg lbih berkuasa,
samada xperia mahupun blackberry,
knangan bersamamu tetap tersemat di hati,
selamat tinggal G705.


(originally created by me myself).:D

Issue....

hye...hey...hoi...wassup.juz wanna blurb about this thing that called TRUST......its a simple thing but need high commitment in it...yeah..i hav issue wif it....u don hav to know y..there juz some people know about it....but after wat happened to me in the past,it makes me more carefully to trust peoples' promises..its also traumatize me to give high level of trust.....coz i'm fuckin hate to be betrayed by others....HAHA.i think i'm suffering from pistanthrophobia...thanx to u,EX-HOLE....hahaha...but now i'm trying to fix my self back to normal by trying to believe my loved one.hope she didnt do the same thing like that bitch.haha.

WHAT???

haha...x boleh blah....aku tekejot gak mak aku bole2 nak msokkn aku dlm BAC(Brickfields Asia College) tok amik law...gilo aper...mahal la bai...15,000 setaon...aku x sanggop mnyusahkn mak bpk aku...ckop la mngulang paper math aku,mohon u,pastu klo x dpt apply fom 6...pastuh pulun abis2 tok stpm nnty....tuh jek matlamat aku skunk...matlamat utama aku,aku nak amik bidang perundangan jgak...there's no way i will change my mind about it..tp klo nnty dah ditakdirkan x dpt jgak nak wat camne kan...redha jer laa ngn ketentuan tuhan...tp pkir2 gak...klo aku amik BAC tuh,nanty aku dpt sambong ke UK...wow...hahaha...tp xnk laa....kos die mahal sgt....